I had an extraordinary evening with some of the students from Robert Morris University who attended this week’s evening on 21st century leadership. The conversation began hearing the stories of this phenomenal young people who have stepped up to pursue not only difficult studies (many heading into applied mathematics) but also volunteering on campus for a myriad of leadership roles.
We explored the shift from the lone innate leader blazing a trail by himself that followers could trod, to a new paradigm of a leader that hands out machetes and keys to bulldozers and places people with diverse knowledge together to map out where the trail will go. Twenty-first century leaders are called upon to ride change with an eye toward innovation, to actively seek out the input of critics challenging past assumptions, to artfully engage the collaboration across cultural boundaries, to express vulnerable grief over loss and failure, to have a source of trust and hope that is resistant to the fear of risk, to willing share power, and to have an integrity and credibility based in a strong moral foundation.
Questions arose around the idea of mourning loss in the face of failure. Twentieth century leaders were taught to focus on success within any failure – what did we learn, how are we stronger. To pause and mourn what was lost was a sign of weakness, not strength. Detached objectivity was valued. The myth was greater than the man, and human failings should be quickly swept away.
Yet a twenty-first century leader is suppose to embrace their humanity, supplement their weakness with the strength of the team, be emotionally intelligent enough to recognize the pain caused in the wake of their progress. Sometimes what we leave behind as leaders seems to painful to bear, let alone admit. Anyone who has grieved a personal loss can attest to the reality that the pain of loss is underestimated by all but those who have experienced it. Grief is not just a moment, but a permanent shift in weight. A teen who buried his father as a child may rage with a fist in a wall the first time he cuts himself shaving, knowing he is deprived of a dad to teach him. A widow facing a ticket for an expired registration may burst into tears, remembering her husband had always taken care of such details. Loss is not merely a moment, it shifts the landscape where all of our foundations are built. Twenty-first century leaders must alter their stories, their plans, their communications, with each wave of loss that befalls the community of people they lead.
Veteran’s day is such a wonderful blessing for it calls everyone in the nation to pause and recognize the great sacrifices made by 5,000,000 who have served our nation’s freedom since our country began. It is a day to mourn what was lost, and to build a future worthy of those sacrifices. It is an institutionalized mourning and remembrance of loss.
The types of losses involved in the recent Penn State abuse tragedy are first and foremost the victims’ loss of innocence, health, and many paths to happiness available to those not victimized. Other losses include the confidence of recent graduates looking for work, who now fear the reaction someone will have reading their resume and associating the tragedy with them. Alumni and students rage at their lost source of pride. As a community, they must begin again to build an integrity, credibility and honor.
It is possible for the most grievous of offenders to redeem themselves and for great strength to rise up from the ashes of great loss . But the effort is literally Herculean. Hercules twelve labors were a penance imposed by the gods as a response to his own brutal murder of his wife and children. The restoration of credulity requires extraordinary outpouring of grief, penitence, and humility. It also includes time. A twenty-first century leader is called upon to mourn all the possibilities lost, to allow authority to shift and be shared by those victimized, and to build a future that respects the lessons learned.
Loss is a time to revisit (or, if you don’t have one, create) mission and purpose statements. Fall back on what is important, who is important, where you want to be in the future and how you will get there.
Questions to ask: Talk to your child and teen about the story unfolding in Penn State. Make it an opportunity to grow in emotional awareness. Ask them to empathize with the victims, with their parents, and with the students at Penn State.
Hero: Loss is a time to revisit the stories of timeless heroes. Read Caroline Alexander’s account of Ernest Shackleton’s 1914-1917 Antartic Expedition called Endurance.
