“Mom, what does ménage à trios mean?”

I was given the great pleasure of addressing a group of parents recently at Sts. John and Paul in Wexford. We discussed together “Answering the Big Questions: When our Child’s Curiosity Leads Where They’re Not Ready to Go.”

One of the parents asked the title question. Evidently, a ten year old, listening to popular music, heard the phrase captured in memorable rhythms and appealing tones.

My first reaction is “Good for her!” At least she is being a critical consumer, asking what lyrics actually mean. A pet peeve is kids who sing (or write) words of which they don’t know the meaning. My favorite is when they wear shirts covered in Latin phrases or Chinese kanji and have no idea what the words mean. Kudos for the beginnings of critical thinking!

Now, how do you answer? I liked the idea of one of the parents to stall for time… “It is a French phrase.” But that doesn’t exactly prevent your 10 year old from singing “I want a ménage a trios with you …” in the school hallways.

My next reaction is “At least she asked you.” She could have just Googled it. What does Google say? The first link is Wikipedia, where I can learn how to pronounce the phrase and three possible definitions, from an innocent living arrangement between three people to the sexual act. It goes on to give examples from history, literature, film, TV, and music. The next link is a wine by that name (not one I’ll be buying as a gift). Page one, near the bottom of my unfiltered Google (yes, you can set filters and Google also filters for you based on preferences), has links to rather explicit relationship advice regarding the topic. My experience watching my son ‘research’ these types of questions, is that he stops at the first paragraph of dictionary.com or Wikipedia then goes back to the music.

But, you say, my 10 year old would never be able to spell ménage à trios with the French grave and acute accent marks. I inputted “menajatwa” into my Google search bar. Alas, the first entry is the urban dictionary definition of ménage à trios.

In an age of Google, how do we answer the question? Each parent needs to find an answer for each individual child. What is their access to information? Do they have older siblings? Do they ride a school bus? I, personally, want to keep the communication lines open with my insanely curious child who uses Google for things I don’t even know about yet. I want him to ask me or share conspiratorially what he has found. I opt to answer frankly, and take a moment to reinforce that my faith and experience have led me to find happiness in a monogamous marriage of 25 years and my hope he will be as happy. I share my desire that he doesn’t listen to that music anymore. How do you deal with the situation? Comments open!